I am going to speak for all the asian children having first-generation parents. I am going to be the voice that will break through the stigma that we shouldn’t speak over our elders. I know what the others go through. Asian children with immigrant parents go through very, very similar situations.
There’s a Facebook group called “subtle asian traits” where many asians from everywhere share anything asian-related. It could be funny memes or emotional messages that other asians can relate to. You could be Chinese, Vietnamese, Korean, Japanese, Indian or others, you will find content you relate to. That Facebook group opened my eyes on the many similar struggles, us, “white-washed” asians go through. Two similarities stands out among the posts: the fact that we share different values with you, and that the academic and life pressures you put on us is hurtful. Those reasons are why we sometimes aren’t on the same page with you. Let me sum them up.
We Share Different Values
My parents both left Vietnam when they were only eighteen and twenty to find a better life elsewhere. My dad was among the 12 million refugees after the Vietnam War. Now what comes on a new territory after one has navigated on a tiny boat for days? A full-blown exotic culture and a new foreign language. Now don’t get me wrong! I love the culture I was born with. I get to eat bún bò huế every month and get to celebrate the Lunar New Year every year. However, as someone who was born in a western country, some ideologies I learned in school or from my environment sometimes clash with the values you grew up in your home country.
I feel like Generation Z and young Millennials are taught to be more “open-minded” and to be more understanding in some situations. We’re more socially aware of the impact and consequences of our actions and decisions. No wonder why during Canada’s elections in 2019, young voters were mostly voting for Trudeau’s leftish platform, choosing the Liberals side. We’re more okay with abortion, we give women the rights they deserve, we respect the LGBTQ+ community. I’m not saying you aren’t as accepting, I’m sure that there are many that also have similar beliefs. I’m talking to the ones that have a more conservative point of view. I know a lot of parents that were upset that Donald Trump didn’t win the United States 2020 election. I, myself, was surprised that my parents, who are Canadian citizens, were bothered about the result. We have different values, clearly.
I also think we are more progressive. With the growth of multiple online platforms, such as Tiktok, we try to share as much knowledge and perspectives to as many people as possible. An example would be about body-image. I’ve seen many Tiktoks of people showing bodies that don’t conform to beauty’s standards, sharing the message that you are beautiful the way you are. Body positivity at its best! However, I know for a fact that it isn’t the same for asian parents. I’ve seen plenty of parents fat-shaming their children since they were toddlers. It is literally a process any asian girl that doesn’t wear size 0 goes through in their childhood. Almost like a tradition. It frustrates me so much because as children, we grow up trying to learn to accept everyone with an open-mindness, whereas you anchor us down with your beliefs.
We Are Tired Of The Constant Pressure
I cannot emphasize enough on how much pressure some of you put on us for “having good grades” and/or “finding the perfect partner”. When I interviewed my friend Adrian–who has Chinese immigrant parents–and asked him to tell me one thing his parents pressure him that makes him uncomfortable, he answered, “My parents want my future significant other to be Chinese… to keep the bloodline pure.” Although he said he doesn’t entirely reject the idea of it, he believes the pressure to find the perfect significant other that agrees with his parents’ standards is unnecessarily heavy. The constant pressure of achieving high academic standards, finding the perfect significant other, being the perfect child–I know some children’s mental health has been affected, myself included.
I am a twenty years old daughter who has never ever talked about mental health to my parents. I honestly don’t think they know what depression is, or at least understand. We always have to look strong. Unbreakable. And when we do break, we have to get our shit back together the next day. What the hell is therapy? The asian culture doesn’t believe in depression. If you’re sad, then it must only be temporary. We are depressed because we cannot handle the pressure. We’re being even more pressured because we are depressed. A vicious cycle. Please try to understand how serious depression is. It takes a huge toll on our daily lives.
We, the children, wish you could understand the actions you’re imposing on us. That the conservative beliefs that you have don’t necessarily correspond to ours who are working to have a better future. We are the future. We cannot grow and progress in life if you keep stopping us down with your ideologies. Trust us, and our decisions. And please, give us a break. We are all trying our best in life right now. For you, yes, but for ourselves first. Being a doctor might be a dream come true, but if we are humanly not capable of keeping up with it, don’t shun us. That’s the last thing we want from our parents. With all that being said, we do love you a lot. I hope you know that.
– An asian child speaking up for the other asian children
6:35 : sandy's party 